I was talking with a high-quality friend of mine –discussing a person we both know (we will call them Subject S), who is oblivious to how they are personally involved in how people actively choose to be NOT be involved with them. Subject S is negative beyond reason &/or measure, & will not admit to themselves that they are the cause of people alienating them.
During our discussion concerning Subject S, my buddy said the most profound thing:
“…Don’t refuse reality…”
There are so many instances in my personal life where I’ve done this very thing: denied what was true. –Denied my responsibility & part in the play of things. –Blamed everyone else so that I could feel justified in my thoughts & actions. "THIS is why I won’t love…THIS is why I won’t trust…THIS is why I won’t believe. THIS is why I won’t try"…Denial is a self-destructive, coping mechanism that binds your heart via fear & pride.
Stated time & time again, we can’t control people & circumstances, but we are able to control our responses. Mature people (emotionally, mentally & spiritually) respond to things; they do not react to things. There is a distinct difference between the two. Response requires thought before action. Reaction is the automatic, first effect. When emotions get involved, reactions usually become detonated bombs.
It is only right that people choose not to be around a negative Nancy or Neil. Who wants to be around someone who will not admit OR apologize when they are wrong? Who wants to deal with someone who gets irate when people do not agree with them or when they do not get their way? Who can easily tolerate an individual that will cry & lie in DAILY, extreme attempts to make people believe that they are ALWAYS the victim & never the perpetrator?
Sadly, Subject S will not change until they admit to themselves what is true. Yet, we ALL have the susceptibility to fall into this trap of self-deceit if we are not careful. Let us not love ourselves & our desire to be right more than we love what is truth. When we refuse reality, we lead & live a blind life, running into everything around us, falling down, hurting ourselves & blaming others, only after… we have refused the walking sticks & laser surgery to correct our spiritual walk & spiritual sight.